To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
