Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
