the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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