tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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