I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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