Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
