I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
