I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
false alarm. still invincible.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
