i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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