I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
