Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
