my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
