did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
