Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
