I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
