I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
