NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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