you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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