I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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