I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
my being single is dangerous.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
