Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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