i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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