If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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