meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
