there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
