i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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