please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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