You smell like a Billy Joel song
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
