There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
