I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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