I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize