I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
