Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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