you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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