Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
