When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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