Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
