I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
