We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
