Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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