i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
