I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
