dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
