i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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