If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize