watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
two words...techno handjob
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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