If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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