im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
