we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
