I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Houston, we have a squirter
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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