if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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