Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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