guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
