I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just want nice things and good sex
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
