I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
