This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
