I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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