Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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