your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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