I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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