if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
