We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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