he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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