is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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