I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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