Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
