why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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