Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I have post one night stand depression
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
