Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
