East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
