Your tits are I can't wait for
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
