you're like a bully in the Christmas story
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
