i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Randomize
