I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I didn't notice because vodka
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
