Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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