so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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