oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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