whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
