He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
