Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
