She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
