So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
