You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Be still, my beating vagina.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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