I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
